its a v simple human, or at least engineering logic, if u see a problem, fix it. simple as that. i lost out 2 times for the exact same fuc- ok no swearing, reason is because of another guy. fine. ive come to accept and understand that everyone wans the best for themselves. nothing wrong with that, and i can live with it. wad can i do even if i cannot live with it? ppl reject u go lovey-dovey liao, they juz got into a r/s leh.

so my qn is, where did i lose out? ask the 2 of them they sure say things like dun compare or everyone is unique or feelings not there, ask liao oso like nv ask. most probably they dun wan to say how much better the other guy is. ok im not gonna start assuming, makes an ass out of me. its juz a simple thing, i juz wanna noe if theres anything wrong with me? did i not care enuf? did i spend too much time on work? wad could i have done better? its true theres no use for me assuming and making my own conclusions so i need concrete answers which help me. answers which i may or may not find, but its answers which i noe will help me.

because i dun wan this- i mean these things to happen again. its terrible, it makes me unhappy, it makes me lose my motivation to do stuff and push hard for things to happen or to continue chasing dreams. it really is v hard to get over someone and then find out they got tgt with someone AND THEN repeat that whole process again. during my downtime i admit, i do ask qns like "how is this fair to me?". i couldnt rationally sit down and obtain an answer because life is nv fair and i knew it all along. i juz got the shorter end of the stick and i have to learn to suck it up. juz like NS everything oso suck it up, because it trains u to be a better soldier. hopefully the same applies and i learn to be a better person and lover ba.

yes, no one else can help me walk out of this episode. only i can do it for myself, and yes i fuc- stop swearing for goodness sake, know it myself as well. i kinda see the contradiction now. i need answers but until i find the answers ill stay like this. but juz sucking it up wont help either since ive answered nothing and i might juz walk into the next one with the same perspectives and views. and lo and behold a 3rd time might happen which i wan to totally avoid. 2 times of that whole process is honestly really more than enough alrdy.

hopefully ive said wad i wanna said, anyone see my dilemma now? how now? can anyone answer my qns? i dun need anyone of them back, they are more than happy as they are liao. now as only a fren, i can juz give them the respect of their privacy in their respective 2 ppl world. i juz wan to noe wad road to take from here on out.

P.S. mistakes are useless if u dun learn from them... (this was supposed to be my one liner for today lol)

P.P.S. ive got my 2 new blog add liao, finally got the inspiration juz now. tink they are pretty apt if u noe the meanings. will announce move over soon when this whole episode is over. i dun wan to shift my life until i end this episode properly at least mentally.